Depression and Me. 

I’m not religious in anyway but this a nice picture in Torbay hospital Chappel. A bit of hope is never a bad thing….

I have wanted to write this blog for soo long. It really is the hardest thing to write about and I have massive respect for anyone who does. Depression is such a taboo subject, it crap. Just when you need to talk about it most the world throws a big wall in your face. Well iv had enough, partly because feeling this crapy makes me loose all sence of giving a shit. Iv struggled and struggled for years with depression, trying to hide it, trying to beat it. Iv actually had one of my closest friends tell me it just and excuse! Well it’s not, it is not normal to hit these massive, self destruction lows. Depression, weather it’s a chemical unbalance or just a fault in your upbringing, it’s just not nice! I have lived and just about coped with it for probably 20 years. It officially hit me first that with my first child, I ignored it and tried to push through.  The worst of it did subside by the time she was probably around 1yr old. I then went on a few years later to have another little miracle, this time was worse. It it the scariest thing in the world to be the happiest you have ever been, but yet feel like the walls are closing in on you. I love my girls more than anything. The worst feeling for me, and everyone’s circumstances are diffrence,  is that I am happy. I have a great life and im beyond blessed and lucky. I’m in love with a great man, I live in a gorgeous home. I have two amazing children. So… feeling unhappy is not a welcome thing!  I could go on and on about how I look back at situations in my life where I probably was depressed to some extent. Iv made massive mistakes in my life and i will always own them, I’m not going to blame depression because of what I have done!?  It may well have been a contributing factor…. not the point. Anyway I have alot of respect for anyone who has ever had to take any sort of medication. Also that has posted or blogged about it. You are a fighter. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you are ready not. Hugs from me and if you want to chat I am always listening. It’s OK not to be OK xx

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